(the picture is my very poor attempt to artistically depict my state of sadness. I am in the tv room but have superimposed a rollercoaster thus showing you that I am having a rollercoaster of emotions. It is very profound.)
But I think I cry more than I would have and today is devoted, in part, to crying. I am sad. My husband just dropped our son off at the airport and I sit here typing away, with tears in my eyes. I'm on my way to church but I would feel awkward appearing so vulnerable. Not caring if anyone reads this or comments, just using this computer as an outlet for my sadness.
I know I am not alone. There are West Point mamas all over the country preparing their hearts for the farewell. There are other brothers (and sisters) who are wiping away tears and there are dads who are trying to put on a strong front but inside they are weeping. And then there are families who might be sad because their son or daughter didn't come home for Spring Break and wish they had a week's worth of time with their Soldier. Anyway I look at it, it's emotional.
I was surprised at the bevy of tears I have shed this time. Memories of last year flooded inside me as I think I alone could have solved our state's drought with the amount of uncontrolled crying jags I incurred.
It's just that I love this kid. I mean really love this kid. I mean, his name means Gift of God, for goodness sake! I don't even understand how a wretch like me ended up with three amazing sons and I am stupefied how someone like me ended up becoming the proud mama of a Soldier and a West Point cadet. So there we were all sitting around the dinner table last night and the water works started. We made our usual gross jokes about things most courteous people never discuss during mealtime but then it hit me. And I felt the tears stream down my face. Nate remarked, "this is the saddest dinner I've ever had!" What he didn't know is that I was actually staving back the ache in my heart. I could have really let loose!
My precious middle OS, Aaron held my hand as my husband prayed before we ate. He looked at me tenderly and squeezed my hand extra tight. Then he put his arms around me and reassured me, "It's gonna be ok, Mama," he smiled and seemed to understand.
I'm on my way to church and I'll be bringing Kleenex and I'll be better. Thanks for listening.