Rain on my soul

Writing is often my healthy outlet for expressing my feelings. Tears stream from my face as I sit in the Critical Care Waiting Area at the hospital. My mom is having heart catherization in a matter of moments and for some reason, I am a wreck.

I feel like I'm going to lose it. My brain seems to be detached from the rest of my body. In the last four weeks, I have been to three different hospitals for three different people, one of them being myself. I drove to the hospital and missed the turn. When I came to the familiar intersection, I had to call my husband to ask him which way to turn.

I got into the parking lot and don't ask me how, but I found myself driving against the arrows. When I finally pulled into a parking spot, I was completely confused. I tried to walk down a flight of stairs but they were blocked. It was as if the hospital had moved from the time I had entered the parking lot!

I walked into the hospital and began looking for my stepfather. The ladies at the front desk asked me if I was having any flu symptoms. I told them no and asked them if they are now having to inquire everyone about this. I didn't ask this in a sassy way but perhaps, I sounded a little frazzled. It was interesting that they said no so I'm wondering if I was acting so weird they thought something must be wrong with me!

Praise the Lord a kindly volunteer escorted me to the Heart Catherization Area. I shutter to think of where I would be if he hadn't shown me where to go.

Then I saw my mom and I don't know why but I struggled to keep it together. The nurses were going to show her a video about the procedure and I knew I couldn't handle it. So here I sit by myself, watching Judge Mathis, writing to you, whoever you are.

It is a rainy day. My dad died 25 years ago on October 8th. Maybe that's the reason I am having a rough time...