This week, my orange-hair, freckle face OS asked me a question.
"Mom, do you love me?" he inquired, partially in jest while in the kitchen. I was on one side of the island and he on the other, just so you know the logistics...
I paused, slightly surprised that he would even wonder and said, "Isaac, you have no idea how much I love you. You will only understand when you have your own child how much I love you."
And then I started to cry. Just so you know, I am a frequent crier. Click here and here and here and here for more details.
Fast forward to Friday - We learned some disappointing news about our OS. A normal day turned dark with just a mere phone call as we received information that was humbling and sad.
A Friday evening we had been looking forward to suddenly changed and we began the arduous process of loving our child even to make tough decisions and inflict severe punishment. You do not need to call Social Services, btw.
I know the pain of loss. I have felt the anguish of shame. I am familiar with anger, ahem...But last night was a new experience for me and that's because I wasn't the one who had perpetrated the offenses. It was my own child. A phone call from another mother brought to light things I didn't know and I stood there in the same kitchen, near that same island and felt like sinking into the ground. The boy I pulled out of my own body 13 years ago and have loved fiercely ever had profoundly disappointed our family.
This is the boy who surprised us with beautiful red hair and has been the delight of my soul and also my greatest parenting challenge. My last baby and as any mama will understand, I would die for that child.
As sad as I feel, I have been moved by the prayers of others who became aware of more of the details I won't share on this blog. God's Word has refreshed, uplifted, encouraged and given me hope. How cool is it that last night after my OS was asleep, I began to do my Bible Study and was led to read Proverbs 28:13
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Before we began the process of addressing the issue, the Hubs, Ike and I held hands and prayed. After we were finished, purging the issues and explaining the punishments (plural!), we prayed. This morning as we sadly uncovered more things, our family which included Aaron and my mom, the Hubs, Ike and I held hands and prayed again each one taking a turn and speaking to the Lord, asking for His healing touch upon all effected.
There was no cursing, no hitting, no slamming doors or threats. Considering how I learned to deal with things in my past with my own family of origin, I can only point to Jesus and His Hand in this situation. At times I found myself shocked at how calm and patient the Hubs and I were as our son's sins were brought to light. We were supposed to have fun last night! This was NOT FUN! When the Hubs tucked Ike in to bed last night, he prayed for him. We told him we loved him and we would get through this. We assured him there was victory over these things and though he might feel like his life was ending, through Christ, he can be restored and redeemed. It is so hard to be a seventh grader, can I get an amen!
Today is a new day with its own set of challenges and mercies. I am excited to see what the Lord is going to do...