Now that I'm back home after a great vacation, I face an empty nest. The guys started school today and Nate leaves for West Point on Sunday. It's the first time in my life where my kids are at school, the hubs is at work and I'm home without babies or a job.
It reminds me of the time when my youngest OS was old enough to go to a gymnastics class by himself. I had longed for the day when Ike was old enough for me to not be there. When that day arrived; however, soon after dashing to the grocery store, I vividly recall pushing the empty cart along the aisles at Kroger and fighting back the tears. My orange-haired, freckle faced toddler was not squeezing me. Instead my stupid purse filled the place where Ike used to be. Oh, how I loved madly embracing that cherub mid-turn at the end of each grocery aisle and I didn't care who saw us or what they thought! (Tears are falling from my eyes just thinking about this...)
But here I am now, a chapter of my life is unfolding. I am adrift and possess a blank canvas of opportunity. Oh, the possibilities!
The varied bass tones which fill my home will be making noise elsewhere. I feel the void and the quiet. Everyone is going forward. Where am I going? I am not going back to a familiar job that I loved and was pretty good at. It is weird, because about this time last year, I was busy scheduling speaking opportunities. Now that season of life is over. Poof. Just like that. I am relieved because the work was so draining and sad because I loved the kids and the message we shared. If I could color my feelings, they would be a dark mustard (for the sad feelings) and a streak of pink (representing excitement.) Yes, it is an awkward and ugly collection of hues.
So what is next? I'm taking a Wednesday morning Bible study and I'm going to lead a girls' Bible on Monday night. That much I know. And honestly with this extra time I now have, my house can be cleaner, I could be leaner, that list of improvements, both personal and otherwise, is long.
Many Bible verses pop into my head but this one has echoed within me...from Psalm 46...
Be still and know that I am God
That's where I am, keepin' it real...
2 comments:
Hey my friend, even soldiers get some down time every now and then. I stood on that battlefield with you and it was rougher than I could have imagined and I only did it for one year. You did it for years! Well done good and faithful servant. Now take some deep breathes. Enjoy your "being still" time. Let God refresh you and bless you with new things and in new ways :-)
Much love!
Carol
P.S. Joe really enjoys your blog. It is one of the few he reads on a regular basis. It's all that boy stuff! He loves it.
I have a feeling you won't be still for very long...so listen up while you have it.
Your new chapter will be coming soon!
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