Creating unconditional love on cardboard

Making Aaron's senior table was truly an act of love. 

Wednesday night, on the eve of high school graduation, moms and dads filled the gymnasium for a shining gesture. With Herculean effort, we decorated senior tables for our offspring. I know because I was among those parents attempting, in some impossible way to contain love on a 30"x30" plot of space. Talk about pressure!

For weeks I had been staging Aaron's table at home. With two children graduating nine days apart in two different states, I had to start early to make sure it was good. In 2008, Nate had a senior table and Aaron deserved for me to put in the same painstaking effort. In my practice sessions, sometimes I'd tape a picture in one place on the cardboard and then move it elsewhere. A few of my table prototypes were created actually in Aaron's room so he would see them when he came home from school. I'd anticipate the moment when Aaron would enter. Yes, I said to myself, hopefully he will not collapse upon seeing its beauty. Truly, I speculated, he will notice how I angled the ukelele JUST so, put the candle HERE, the coffee cup THERE and the tiny bell from Ukraine on THIS spot.

Middle OS senior pic taken by Aunt Lorri

And when Aaron would walk into his room, my ear would keen for the slightest gasp of wonder. If a second passed without a response, I couldn't stand it any longer. "Aaron, what do you think?" I'd beckon so desperate for his approval. Without exception Aaron showed his gratefulness. Whew.


Other times, you know, just in case a friend stopped by and you never know when that just might happen, I would do the whole set-up in the dining room and dare I admit, I'd walk down the stairs several times just to get a glimpse afresh. As the mama of three OS, for me with no other girl in my household, it was the equivalent of seeing a daughter in a wedding gown or a prom dress. Don't laugh. I felt joy.

The Hubs found other versions of the table in his office or in the hallway. Some family members were even blessed with text messages and pictures from me marking a new table development concept. A few were kind enough to acknowledge receipt of those pictures. Oh thank you if you indulged me!

I had been crying throughout the day
but vanity aside, I had to get a picture of me by Aaron's table. 

I sewed a swatch of remnant material from his books pants fabric. Aaron approved. Then I stitched a coordinating rectangle of some extra fabric a friend had given me. Aaron liked the manly colors. He assisted my efforts by writing in gold a poem from his favorite author William Cowper and I trimmed the sides of the cardboard with pages from an old family Bible. It wasn't perfect but the time had come for the official unveiling. Insecure feelings never replaced the warm and wonderful sentiment I felt inside.

A sample of one of the many other tables on display.

But I bet I wasn't the only one who spent copious amounts of time on the child's senior table project; based on what I saw, our collective souls were poured onto those hallowed folding tables. We did not create altars for our children, I guess we just wanted our son or daughter and all who passed by to smile and either say, "Wow, I am loved" or "Awesome, someone thinks very highly of that kid."

Another mom breathing
words of kindness upon my oliveshoot.

If you think this post is stupid, then we probably couldn't be friends. If you've read this far, you understand. Let's have lunch. 


Thursday arrived and tears flowed as we all beamed. I gazed and cried stopping by many of Aaron's friend's tables. I noted with appreciation that none of these tables felt ostentatious as if they were trying to steal attention from someone else. 

Oh how I adored seeing a classmate write
encouraging words to my boy, such loving
messages filled these pages.

The body of Christ enveloped the mood. With our individual 7 1/2 square feet carefully crafted, the seniors marked the passage of time. I paused with gratitude over the families represented and prayed for their children's future. 

After graduation, Aaron spent a
long time reading the messages.
What a thankful moment for all of us. 

Have you ever done something like for a loved one? What special things would hallmark your "table"? I'd so enjoy hearing about it. May you all have opportunity for such a celebration of life. 

Sister/friend, Army/Navy, trials/blessings

My friend Kim and I hanging out in the hospital lobby.
I have pink highlights and though
Kim does not have olive green highlights in her hair, 
she's still a really good person
as you will soon discover. 

Last year Kim went in the hospital for routine surgery. As part of our Bible Study, she lifted the situation up as a prayer concern and we promised to pray for her. No big deal, I thought to myself. I've had a hysterectomy. Not pleasant but she'll be fine. I'll make her a meal, be a nice friend and we'll see her back in our group in no time at all.

But that's not what happened. The routine surgery became life-threatening as deadly pockets of infection raged in her abdomen. Soon she was too sick to return text messages and too weak to speak. Her husband took over communication and his emails were long as he detailed the troubles and asked for more prayers. Three additional surgeries later, Kim still was in the hospital gravely ill. Another woman in our Bible Study, a pharmacist, told us later that Kim was near death. A vital, young wife and mother of four daughters never expected these complications. Our group was jarred and we cried out to the Lord to save our dear friend and sister in Christ. More meals, more cards, visits to the hospital, we all wondered why this was happening. Kim spent 11 days in the hospital and it took months for her to remain her strength. As she lay in the hospital bed, baseball cap on her head because she was too weak to even wash her hair, Kim had time to talk to God about the purpose for her suffering. She promised to use her illness to minister to others and to not waste this trial...

13 months later - it was past one in the morning when the Hubs and I finally returned home from the hospital. My mom was in the throws of withdrawal from pain meds and at times it was like seeing a demon coming out of her body. Nothing could console her and we were at our wits' end as we left the hospital and to get some sleep.

While in the shower, in the wee hours of the mourning, I felt the Lord speak to me and remind me about Kim. "Ask her to come to the hospital," that's what God said to me...while in the shower...Later that day I called and without hesitation Kim heartily agreed.  On Saturday, a little over a year after her own ordeal, my friend walked back into the same hospital, this time not as a patient but as a woman victorious. 

The devotional Kim gave to my mom.

She brought my mom a beautiful devotional and recounted her days at the hospital. After Mom's visit, as I escorted Kim back to the hospital entrance, she remembered being wheeled down that  hospital corridor. She recalled the blossoms on the trees that she rolled by for another CT scan...reflections of how in the midst of despair, she yearned for another day of life, unsure of when and if she would ever leave the hospital or see another spring. 

Kim and I just before the Army/Navy football game 
as we sparred just before Bible Study

Though she is a Navy wife and I'm an Army mom, and many of us are familiar with the friendly banter shared between these two military branches, moreover we are friends and sisters in Christ. We brush past the fact that her hubs is a Navy grad and my oldest OS will soon graduate from West Point ;) Moreover, Kim has honored her promise to the Lord and actively searches opportunities to tell her story. God uses His people when we let Him. Some of the most shameful parts of my life, things Satan would say you can never discuss because people will judge you or hate you or call you names, the Lord told me to open my mouth and no longer let those chains shackle me. He has allowed me to share parts of my former life with thousands of people because those things point to His redemption, goodness and love. Kim has done the same although her content is different. She doesn't say no to sharing be it a large audience or the hurting grandma in Room 370 (my mom). 

Encouragement

When I prayed for my friend to get better, it didn't occur to me that I needed her, not just as my Bible Study buddy but as an encourager to someone I love. She is teaching me things because the Lord is her teacher. So how about you? Don't discount how YOU can be a blessing. Consider the ways your own story and suffering are touchstones intended to draw you and others closer to the God of All Comfort. Being Kim's friend has made me more sensitive to helping others and moving beyond myself. I pray the same for you, dear friends...more soon

Doing hard things - part four, what am I afraid of?

I'm trying to process the best vacation of my life. I'm searching for what the Lord is teaching and showing me after five precious days  in Playa del Carmen, Mexico.

As previously mentioned, I'm co-leading a book club this summer for middle and high school girls. The book Doing Hard Things is intended for teenagers but it is speaking to this middle age mama's heart. While languishing at the beach, in Playa del Carmen, under a cabana, with a fruity, non-alcoholic drink within hand's reach, a gentle breeze wooed me to contemplation. What am I afraid of?

Here is a partial list:

Heights - looking down from an unsecured area is terrifying
Planes - I often warn fellow passengers that I am not a great fan of turbulence and can grab their hand at any point.
Water - (I'm working on this one)

The view from my beach chair...

Rollercoasters - there's no point to being scared and nauseous unless during childbirth
Hypodermic needles/IVs - refer to above


and a host of other ones I choose not to mention.


Throw in a nervous bladder and a poor sense of direction. The Hubs is such a lucky guy, huh?


Since facing my fear of water/swimming, I realized I am also afraid of:


Failure - what if I don't succeed? I have taken swimming lessons before but after completing them, I wimped out when I couldn't synchronize my body correctly. Convinced that I looked just too stupid plus my knee hurt very badly, I gave up, defeated and land-locked.


It's scary to ponder, if I'm still at this same point of mastery next year, what does that say about me?


But then, strangely, paradoxically, I am frightened of:


Success - I do not know this new Cindy very well and where is this girl going to take me? Possibly people might expect me to join in aquatic merriment. When doctors suggest swimming as a healthy form of exercise, I might have to heed their advice. I would no longer garner pity for being stranded on the shore. Pity, in a bizarre sort of way, has been part and parcel with summer. If I'm really a swimmer, then people might realize that my swimming strokes are awkward, clearly a sign of a novice.

Summer, I gotta be honest, I find you intriguing and complex. 

And then there's the biggie -
I might enjoy swimming and then what do I do? I'm getting farther and farther from clinging to the secure side. What is on the other side? What is in the middle? Weird. 

I received this card in the mail from an encouraging mama
whose daughter is in the book club. This frog and I understand each other. 

Next post I want to share a swimming story that happened just before vay-kay. It's becoming an interesting metaphor on my quest. Thanks again for your support. I hear your collective, sweet voices on land and sea, I'm serious.

Defeat and victory in skirtland

Unless you are my 22 month old niece, if I offer to make you a skirt, say no.


You don't have to be polite about it either. Really, it's for the best...

The skirt "prototype"

I'm not sure what compelled me to think that I could do it. It's a mystery to me. All I know is that a week ago I, without presentiment, asked my friend Becki to help me replicate a favorite skirt and bless her heart, she said yes. Three DAYS of nearly non-stop effort on the part of both of us and if you determine fashion by the wearability and beauty of a garment, let's just say it's we've got ourselves an epic fail. 

So what do you do with that? Was it all in vain? 


Reasons it was a waste of time...

Approximately 4,000 pins on this dumb zipper

Zippers - correctly sewing a zipper is perhaps one of the most frustrating endeavors of my life. Just as I thought one side of the invisible zipper was good, the other side would be horrible. I contemplated chucking the whole thing, such a mess.


Man-hours - My skirt would cost over $300 if Becki and I were paid minimum wage. I'm not sure it would get fifty cents at a garage sale. :*

"Hi, I'm Nate and I'm
the cutest conehead you'll ever see!"

I've given birth to ALL three of my OS in the time it took to make this simple A-line skirt. And at least during childbirth, I had a finished product. Yes, my OS were gooey and slippery. Nate even had a cone-head but overall I was pleased with the results...three lovely creations.  I'm not able to gloat about my skirt. I still haven't hand-sewn the waistband. The skirt and I need some space...


BUT, I refuse to say that it was a waste of time and here's why...

Becki and I on Day Two - optimistic 
and still speaking to each other!

Friendship - despite her own desire to sew, Becki pushed that aside and poured herself into my project. Who does that? She pinned and measured, explained and repeated countless times. She researched and investigated skirt making. She invited me into her home, she drove over to mine. She laughed and shared, commiserated and forged ahead. When I was literally flat on the ground from the emotional weight of the stupid invisible zipper not working again, Becki pressed on. 

A view from the carpet, that's Becki slaving away

On the third day of our skirt journey, I began taking pictures of the ceiling. I lay on the carpet, far from the skirt because I couldn't take it anymore. There Becki sat at the sewing machine. Gf faithfully yanked the stitches out of that blasted zipper again as I clicked away on my camera phone and went to my "happy place." 

Amazing grilled veggies and goat cheese on a bed of greens

And check this out, Becki even made us a delicious lunch of grilled veggies, goat cheese and salad greens. She was the epitome of being a friend and a teacher.


Hope - If left to my own resources, surely I would have scrapped this project.  Many Bible verses traveled in my brain during our time together. This one, James 1:2-4, resonated the most within me.


Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

A little cherry skirt that will spend more
time in the closet than on my person!

Perseverance finished its work. I collaborated with a person who cared and not just about the skirt but about me.  I may only wear this garment while cleaning the house. Yeah, it's janky, the waistband is awkward, the seams don't match perfectly but WE did it. And as stupid as this may seem/seam (a pun for people who love to sew), guess what? I think I'm going to do it AGAIN!

Dresses and skirts

This post is pre-empting regularly scheduled Wednesday remix. I will post the remix later this evening... 


Sew far my summer has been sew busy. I'm having sew much fun. Fabric. Friends. Fellowship. Laughter. Learning. Love. Oh yeah, bring it on.

View from my sewing machine...it all matched
and I didn't even plan it that way!

The hallmark of Monday was that I SMBO (sewed my butt off) with my friend Becki. She and I are on a journey to create a skirt. Not a terribly fancy garment but you'd think we were working on a wedding gown considering the amount of time it took for us to make a pattern from one of my favorite skirts. Her patience and instruction allowed me to think that eventually I'll be able to do this myself. 


Then shortly after breakfast on Tuesday, I left my house and began my second day of SMBO. This time, I joined my friends, Jo and Mavis. Our intention was to make pillowcase dresses to be given to girls we will never meet this side of heaven. Jo's sister-in-law has personally sewn 200 dresses, how hard could it be for the three of us to crank out a bunch for this worthy cause in a morning? 

Hopes were high as we all began the morning

Admittedly, we learned the answer to that question six hours later when Mavis was the only one who had successfully made a pillowcase dress.  It is more involved than we anticipated.

"It is hard not to be stuck up when you are the only one who has finished a pillowcase dress..."

Here is the video we used to create our dresses. It was quite helpful. 

I went home and by 9 pm, I had finally finished two dresses. I'll never be a winner of Project Runway but that's not my goal. I did it! I can do it!


When I am by myself, well that's another story. A needle breaks or I sew something inside out and my spirit is mirthless, dinted with feelings of discouragement and futility. I can't do it. I'm stupid. Probably should just give up, it's never going to work.

This is Jo's mother's decoupaged sewing basket - it rocks!

The yards of fabric I have in my home will one day transform into pretty things, potentially even garments I can wear or create for loved ones. Sometimes to help myself fall asleep, I imagine all the possibilities...buttons, ribbons, zippers, trim and fabric perfectly matched together and I ascend to dreamland. 

Mavis, me and Jo ready to SOBO!

Amongst my talented friends, I feel sew hopeful, maybe even slightly invincible. Not because of my sewing acumen but because our abilities are shared and the things created become more beautiful.  For two glorious days, kind and generous women have pieced together memories and lovelies on a hot summer day. 

Taa daa! One of my finished pillowcase dresses!

What activity do you share with friends which brings out the best in you? What skills have you learned from your friends or taught them? 

I've got the fever...

Moments away from experiencing the Biebs

Hot mess

Being a girl is fun!

It's so much fun, I journeyed back in time. Waaaaaaaaaaay back in time and for two hours I became a teenybopper again.

A few weeks ago I truly had the time of my life going to see Never Say Never. My OS thought I was crazy, in fact they were incredulous. "Mom, are you seriously going to see the Justin Bieber movie?"

"Yep." Nose high in the air, my foot stomped firmly on the ground, with hands on my waist, the reply was certain without a scintilla of shame.

I then rummaged around the house and found appropriate Never Say Never attire. A borrowed flat hat from Nate, a "gold" chain purchased at the Dollar Tree on loan from Aaron, West Point hoodie, oh yeah. I tied the bright pink laces on my new sneaks and hopped into my SUV. 

A good time with some of the wackiest JB fans in town! Woo hoo!

The best way to see "Never Say Never" is with friends and I was blessed to have two ladies from my Bible Study and one of their daughters join me. We squealed with girlish glee and found our seats among the Bieber fans. Just down the row, an adorable four year old girl sat with her parents. Actually she didn't sit. She jumped throughout the movie. The lights of her shoes blinked while she danced. Obviously, the Lord divinely placed us in the right row, we were kindred spirits ranging in age from 4 to nearly 50.  When does that ever happen??

I'm totally serious, I think he was talking to ME!!!!! 

And while this little girl jumped, my friends and I bounced in our theatre chairs. We took pics on our cell phones, giggled and smiled with shameless abandon. Yes, our hands were in the air when the Biebs sang "Baby" and our untuned voices joined in the chorus. You got a problem with that? I utterly enjoyed myself. I was having fun with my friends. Silly and carefree. All was right in my little world. In every way, I left the movie satisfied and joyful.

We will never say never ever!

Say whatever you want but in my opinion, Justin Bieber is a very talented guy. I liked the movie. He has great hair and amazing potential. Don't burst my bubble. My OS can tease me all they want, I don't care. 

I am also willing to purchase one of these shirts if you take me to the movies!

I would do it all over again. If you're looking for someone to go see the movie, invite me!

Spirit Week 2011 begins

Nate as Noah during Spirit Week 2008

Oh how I love Spirit Week! I love it so much, if it were up to me, every school would have an additional Spirit Week just for parents. 


There was no Spirit Week when I was in middle school or high school so I live through the SW of my OS. Yes, according them, I'm kind of like a stage mom when it comes to Spirit Week. 

onesie pj example

With Aaron's medical struggles, there was less parental involvement in Ike's SW this year. This resulted in my orange hair, freckle face OS wearing a pair of store-bought pajamas on Pajama Day. We had even picked out special material six months ago for me to make just for him. Alas, Ike decided he wanted to show off these pajamas. He won a gift certificate because of his footed sleepwear. 

Check out this video to see the pajamas in action. 


But now that my middle OS is feeling so much better, nearly all of my parental energy pours into Spirit Week 2011.

sea turtle pajamas on a smart guy!

Monday morning, Aaron pranced into school wearing his designer-made sea turtle pajama pants. I wanted to create a sea turtle applique for the t-shirt but he sternly spurned my suggestion.

a beautiful moment of brother and pupa

Pooh and pupa

Tuesday was Animal Kingdom Day. Last year my middle OS was a pupa. We twirled yards of brown toile around Aaron to encase him. It was truly hilarious to see the perplexed looks of students and teachers. They asked Aaron what he was and he confidently stated "a chrysalis in a cocoon." 

let the changes begin! 

Then in the middle of Mrs. Davis' Spanish Class, Aaron asked if he could go to the restroom. 

Interesting fact about butterflies...they are easily irritated when you take too many pictures of them. It's true!

When Aaron returned he had metamorphosed into a beautiful, extremely large butterfly~ He wore his grandpa's really yellow golf pants and custom-made wings. Truly breathtaking! We thought this was an apt description of adolescence and doesn't every teenager want to be reminded of puberty on Animal Kingdom Day? I thought so!

So how do you top being a pupa?

personally, I think my carpenter ant is much cuter

Well, we're not sure but staying in the insect world, this year Aaron was a carpenter ant. My middle OS donned a hard hat with antennae, an electric drill and drill bit along with a tool belt. He also "grew" an extra pair of legs which I sewed last night. 

proof that I am a great mother - making carpenter ant legs just before bedtime

Aaron's friend shaking his tail feathers!

Those two spindly legs are proof that I'm the best mom in the world! 


There were many creative animal costumes. For example, Zack,  Aaron's best friend was a swan complete with a feathery behind that wiggled back and forth as he walked. 

some awesome members of the animal kingdom

Aaron will be a senior in high school next year. I'm already thinking of ideas. Just wait, the rest of the week is quite creative and unique also! 

I'm not just the mama of three oliveshoots, I'm the mama of a carpenter ant! 

PS. I just learned that Aaron and the science teacher were the only invertebrates in the school today! Wow, I'm even prouder now!