Hoarders, part two

And now for a deeper hoarding issue...

The washrag is gone. I am ok with it. At times I feel silly like, seriously, Cindy, get a grip. It was a stupid washrag. A Barney washrag at that. I probably spent less than $2 on the thing. And if I'm being real here and it's my blog so I can do with it what I want, I am pushing away feelings of sadness that the threadbare Barney washrag is loosed from my home. It has absolutely no emotions, no nerve endings, it was a totally inanimate object but if I allow myself, I can feel sad for the washrag. Like it's missing me. Just being real here.

Which then evokes feelings about other things I miss or anticipate missing. Loved ones who are gone, children who are growing, family members who are aging or ill, friends that disappointed me, hopes, dreams, the list goes on and on.

Which then brings forth feelings that I sometimes hoard.

Resentment, fear, bitterness and anger come to mind. Because of Christ, I have had great victory in this area. Nothing of my own doing, that's for sure. Before coming to know the Lord, my list of hurts was very long. I embedded a lot of pain and used it as a weapon when necessary. But God in His faithfulness, not only removed all the items on that list, He also took care of the even longer list I had created for myself. Sins that are none of your business, others that I have shared here on this blog and publicly.

So I'm learning to let go and clean up. And like the clients featured on Hoarders, to maintain order, one must be vigilant. It doesn't take too much time for physical and emotional issues to pile up. I must make room in my home and in my heart for new things. Getting rid of the Barney washrag was something the Lord prompted me to do. I hung onto it for days and had it near the trashcan and it took days for it to go. Something that weighed mere ounces suddenly was too heavy to move. Until last night, that is.

Enter dreamlike sequence...

Years ago, I found a diary from middle school. Not much was in it but the usual 12-13 year old girl drama. However, amidst the boy crazy musings, I flipped through the pages and discovered an entry about a family member I chose not to name. In this entry, I wrote about an especially mean thing this person had said to me. Now 3o years later, I held the pages in my hand and it was excruciating.

In my middle school girl's handwriting; my adult woman's eyes fixated on those nasty words. What was I to do? I brought the diary to my husband and showed him the entry and started crying. I am a frequent crier. Don't believe me? Click here and here and here and here and here.

I didn't need that memory or that reminder but how could I throw out MY diary??? How could I let that go?

It was then that the Hubs offered to do some-thing I could not do for myself. In a beautiful act of love, he offered to throw it away. I nodded and I never saw that diary or those words ever again.

The diary, the Barney washrag, old wounds and hurts need to be discarded. It is time for a new season. Those items were weathered and useless. I can no longer cling to them.

Tears are welling up in my eyes as I type but I need to share this. Maybe it's just for me and this is a completely selfish post but if it's for you, let me give you permission, let it go. Whatever the "it" is. Let. it. go.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-6

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away...

Hoarders

Have you seen the A&E program Hoarders? I watch the show every week on Channel 161 on Monday nights from 10-11pm. If I don't watch the new episode, I DVR it. Yes, I am a faithful follower.

One of the reasons I like the show is I have a celebrity connection. I have worked closely with a frequent expert on the program.

A few years ago, hoarding and organizational expert, Geralin Thomas helped me transform my home office. I was NOT her first client nor am I a hoarder but wow, she was amazing! My home office had previously been a place of embarrassment and dread but with her assistance , my office became a thing of personality and beauty! As I watch Geralin work with her hoarding clients, I often hear her saying things to the hoarders that she said to me. I'm sure that is mere coincidence, right?

Another reason I like the show is that it's fas- cinating. There are these distraught people living in absolute squalor and they toil and lament throwing out the smallest thing. A piece of paper, a withered basket, a mildewed book, everything appears to be impossible to dispose of properly. There is filth and dust everywhere and they agonize over minutiae! It feels like a personal victory to me when the people seem to make progress but I admit the show can produce anxiety in me as I see their mess flash over the tv screen.

And as I sit in my family room on Monday nights, just as I'm ready to kick my judgemental side into full gear, I am chastened. The reason is that on each Monday night, during a commercial or when the program ends, I begin looking around my own house and discover things that need to go. In my purse, my closet, my dressers, there is stuff that has long overstayed its welcome and usefulness. It is freeing to release things that are no longer needed but honestly it can be sad.

I originally had this post almost ready to go several days ago. I didn't publish it because I hadn't accomplished the thing I was going to write about. But I'm mustering the courage to do it today. I am going to do it no matter what!

I am saying goodbye to an 18 year old washrag.

I cannot tell you the age of any other washrag in my house but this one is special to me. I might even say I love this washrag. The threadbare cloth belonged to my oldest OS when he was a little boy. Nate will be 20 in a few months and it is/was a Barney washrag. Most of the purple dinosaur has been scrubbed away but it's been the first washrag I reach for in my linen closet for lo these many years.

My OS has long since parted ways with Barney. He's a yearling at West Point and has no affinity whatsoever to this thing.

But I'm a sen-timental mama. This silly washrag represents an adorable, toe-head boy who is my pride and joy and is now a remarkable young man full of ambition and integrity.

When Geralin helped me in my home office, I would find myself struggling with getting rid of things. She gave me permission to dispose of things and assured me that if I threw something out, it didn't diminish the love I have for that person! What a revelation!

So with that in mind, thank you Barney washrag for the memories! Thank you for doing such a great job all these years! You've cleaned a lot of body parts! ;) You certainly outdid yourself but I'm making room for new memories and really hoping Nate will find the West Point gift shop has a West Point washrag or a Digital ACU towel for Mother's Day!

Fancy Scraps

I have been making eyeglass covers for El Salvador. I learned about this need during a Friday meeting with the Hannah's Hands, Intl. coordinator and as soon as she left the house, I googled eyeglass covers.

To my surprise, I found a decent amount of entries for sew your own eyeglass covers along with a million other things, check it out. That's what's great about the Internet. I hate it when I stumble onto icky things when I am innocently surfing the Web but in this instance, I came upon a free eyeglass cover pattern. No sicko stuff! Woot!

What I really love is that I haven't spent a penny so far. All I did was look on my shelf and in my drawers to find loads of fabric just waiting for a project. I have cotton fabric, fleece, satin flannel coming out of my ears, just ask my husband! Ok, on second thought, let's pass on that idea.

The material has been cluttering my home for years. Some my sister Lorri gave me a long time ago, I think she bought it at a thrift shop. I have also stashed away bits of extra fabric from past projects. And, quite honestly, I have often wondered what I could do with all of it. What good could come from some of the fabric and the scraps I have collected? I haven't had enough of some of the material to do aything useful and I've even toyed with throwing it out just to get rid of all the stuff. Never did I think to myself, "Hey, I've got an idea! I'll go to El Salvador and I'll use that pile of material to make eyeglass covers for impoverished villagers!"

But I guess God did and this got me thinking about my life. Do you ever do that? Wonder why you've gone through or are going through something? Is it just me, or do you sometimes hang onto emotional remnants or scraps of struggles you've experienced? Do you ever dare to think about how that stuff could find a useful purpose? 

Well, as I reflect upon my life, I have collected my fair share of "material," if you know what I mean. I have pondered and prayed, "Lord, what good can become of that? And, how are you, God, going to use that (insert sin of your choice)? It's so ugly and worthless!"

I'm like those scraps that have been sitting on my shelf. Like many, I have vestages of my past stuffed away. Yet, firsthand, I have seen how my Jesus has used those things for His good! In my work with teenagers, it still blows me away that I am able to share the fabric of my life and offer them hope. I am an example of what God can do with our material.  Mine. Even yours. 

He has used each one of those pieces and trust me, that is testimony to God's goodness. I had no idea how that would be possible because they're not too attractive. It excites me each time I now sew a simple eyeglass case to find the spiritual parallels in my Christian walk.          

   

So far I have made about 20 eyeglass cases. The pile of spare material is shrinking and I am so proud of myself because they look pretty good! I feel satisfied and am in wonder. Not because of my mad sewing skills (said like Napoleon Dynamite) but rather for how the Lord is so resourceful.

"I will praise the name of the Lord, who has worked wonders for me, never again will I be shamed." paraphrased and personalized from Joel 2:26.