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How sweet the sound

This post is to the mentally handicapped middle school girl that I chased around in the playground many years ago.

Dear Rita, (not her real name)


I am so sorry.


I could up offer a lengthy list of flimsy excuses but honestly they don't matter. I hurt you and that was wrong and I knew it. I deeply regret my actions. I called you mean, embarrassing names in an effort to disguise my own pain and awkwardness. I.am.sorry.


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As a mother, I have told my children about victorious moments when they would have been proud of me. I like to tell them about the times when I stuck up for the little guy, the weird kid or the janitor my classmates teased and threw pennies at in the cafeteria. Those stories make me look good.


But I have also confessed a few shameful times when I mocked an innocent person, betrayed a confidence, acted like a hypocrite. The incident with Rita is one of those tormenting times that I have tried to use for good while instructing my own OS. At a coffee shop last year, I told my precious middle OS about some experiences I went through in the hopes that he will never follow in some of my footsteps. It was strange to ask Aaron to forgive me for things I did before he was even born but the sweetest sounds came from his deep voice at the Caribou Coffee which is now my favorite place of redemption and caffeine. "Oh, Mama, I forgive you," as he clutched his hand in mine.

Last night was the last meeting for Teen Community Bible Study (Teen CBS). We have spent over 30 weeks with middle and high school youth and I have had the pleasure of working with 6th-8th grade girls. We have studied God's Word, reviewed lessons and enjoyed getting to know each other. Each one of the girls has a permanent place in my heart. Spending time with these girls made me fondly recall the girls I met while on a mission trip to Lima, Peru. Though that was several years ago, I still keep in touch with many of them. Witnessing young people grow in their faith is a privilege, seeing them burgeon into adulthood a lovely site to behold.


But is there anything harder than adolescence? Seriously! Take a good look at the corresponding picture of me if you don't agree! I'm the one with the hexagonal glasses...;0 So much going on, inside and outside, not a moment of rest or tranquility, something always seems to be happening. If it's not your body, it's your feelings. If it's not you, then it's your family and friends! Teenager-hood is like the cruelest and most vulnerable time of life! Perhaps that's why I have such a soft place for middle schoolers. They flutter with awkwardness and potential.


Oh how my heart ached as some of the students held the microphone and openly shared. We heard good things and triumphant discoveries about how much Jesus loves us.  A common theme was how before coming to Teen CBS, many kids were just acting like Christians, going through the motions.


We heard about ongoing struggles with depression, serious family illness, divorce and loneliness. And the room grew hushed as one girl took a deep breath and began to tell her story. She told the crowd of adults and peers how she doesn't have very many friends. Tears streamed from her little face and she began to sob. I think I even saw a few boys getting choked up hearing and empathizing with her pain. It was deeply moving to sense that we all began looking inward pondering our own sins, pains and regrets. 


But then, mere minutes later, a girl took the microphone and without a hint of selfishness or worry about what anyone would think, she openly apologized to that girl for not treating her as she should. The two embraced and wept. The spirit of the Lord was upon this place. Grace and mercy, forgiveness and love abounded. Oh if you could have been there...

The cleansing that occurs when we confess our sins to the Lord and to others is like nothing else in this world. I am free from those chains that bound me for so long. I can admit my mistreatment of Rita because of Christ and what He has done in my life. In fact, I can tell my children and anyone in the blogosphere of my regrets because they have been forgiven. Being a teenager was brutal, hallelujah, I will never have to relive those days. Now thanks to the Lord, I am a new creation. I try to help others navigate that treacherous season of life by pointing them to Jesus. 

The Clinton Co-inky Dink

Wayyyyyy back in 1997, I went to a country style restaurant in downtown Raleigh to support a presidential candidate whose wife was going to make an appearance. To my delight, I somehow managed to not only see but talk briefly and shake the hand of none other than Hillary Rodham Clinton. It was a thrilling moment for me and I remember joking to my friend that I would never wash my hand again.


Well, a lot has changed since that day. I have washed my hand many times and have changed my political affiliation. My faith and my priorities have been completely transformed since that time as well. Still, I will admit I think that was a pretty cool thing especially in light of my OS's recent encounter. 

Nate is a member of the Domestic Affairs Forum (DAF) at West Point and he too, has had a brush with some pretty famous people. The DAF focuses on politics from a national, local and state level and the club took a trip to New York City. According to Nate, joining a group at West Point is "money" and this trip to NYC is one he will not soon forget and here's why. 

The cadets toured ABC News and met with Bob Woodruff. You may recall that he was the reporter who was seriously injured when hit by an IED while embedded with the Army in Iraq. They visited New York Times newspaper and nearly 20 cadets met with the very loquacious Ted Sorenson, speech writer for President John F. Kennedy. 

They saw President Theodore Roosevelt's home in New York. TR is one of Nate's heroes. 


Those things are certifiably "legit" but the trip got even better one evening when the cadets attended the David Letterman Show. 

Not officially on the itinerary, nearly 20 cadets arrived at the show around 4:30 pm, pulled a few strings and landed some tickets. I thought the David Letterman Show was done live at 11:30 pm, untrue, it's actually filmed in the late afternoon. 

We received a call from Nate who told us to look for him on the show. Although I don't like DL nor do I find him particularly amusing, Dave did gain two new temporary viewers as the Hubs and I actually tuned in to watch. Tom Hanks was a guest and he made mention of the cadets in the audience and how much his dad hated the Navy. Far more importantly; however, we saw our OS seven times! I do believe he should be getting several movie or modeling contracts as my cadet looked so handsome! And he was smiling. Ask any WP mom and we all agree, it is wonderful to see a smiling cadet.


But you want to hear the ironic connection? Remember my brief encounter with Hillary Clinton? Well, my OS got to meet her husband! That's right, Nate met President Clinton! They met him in a swanky hotel while Clinton was in town raising money for Haiti. Initially "Bill" as we like to call him (HA!) was only going to pose for a photo op but he actually met with the cadets for about 10 minutes. While there Nate approached the former President, introduced himself and shook his hand. Like mother, like son.


Personally, between you and me, I think they probably wanted to bring Nate up and interview him but didn't want to hurt the other cadets' feelings. He would have been a very engaging "celebrity" if I do say so myself. 


Check out this clip and you will see my OS for yourself. How cool is that? In a mere nine seconds, Nate appears on the screen for the world to enjoy! Gaa!

Getting back to me

There's nothing that gets me more in the writing mood than sitting in a doctor's office waiting for a person who's having a colonoscopy! Not sure what about this experience is inspiring me but to hear my fingers tapping away on the keyboard feels good. The chair I'm sitting in is ridiculously uncomfortable so I need something to get my mind off of the 90 minutes I'll be here. I mean, there's only so much tv I can watch and I've read the entire paper. I've checked facebook too many times already, so I thought I'd do something productive.

Since my last post, I have debated whether to write much about what I've been doing. I haven't wanted my blog to be medical or pitiful but I have been struggling with health issues lately. One has been fibromyalgia (a new diagnosis), the other is depression (a recurrent battle). Not sure which one came first but after dealing with ongoing pain and feeling utterly hopeless, I dragged my sad self to the rheumatologist and started crying. I was at the point of terrible despair and when I left her office, I felt like I had a chance at a normal (whatever that is) life. I began some medication, made critical lifestyle changes and those things have helped me tremendously.

During this time, I asked the Hubs to pray for me. I know he has. He has asked others to pray for me and I'm sure he's felt clueless on how to help me. When I wasn't sure how much lower I could go and spent wayyyyyy too much time on the couch, I started to feel afraid that I was going to break my foot again. I felt unstable on my feet and envisioned another injury. I would hang onto a chair railing or the Hubs for fear of falling. Literally, I have found myself leaning on the Hubs. He, along with the Lord, have been my strength. He has made me laugh, supported me in every way, I love him dearly.

It's been about three weeks since my doctor appointment and I was overjoyed when recently, I found myself bounding effortlessly up the stairs. Part of "me" has been coming back. I am walking without fear emotionally and physically!

And I have been exercising. I learned that it is absolutely critical for me to stay physically active. My doctor recommended this DVD and I began doing it immediately. Although it is a little cheesy, I have been faithfully using it and noticing the results. If you are looking for an exercise program that is adaptable and encouraging, I think these are great! Exercising in the comfort and privacy of my own home has been a better choice for me than the gym at least for right now.

Recently I was talking to my oldest OS and in previous conversations, I shared with him that I had really been struggling. Since he's a young, busy man with his own life, I wasn't sure if he recognized his mama's plight.

But I was wrong.

We were talking on the phone recently and I said, "Nathan, I have something to tell you..." My OS made a dry-witted, West Point tough comment and I interrupted him, "Seriously, Nathan, listen to me. I want you to hear this. I am feeling better." Then I heard words I wasn't expecting.

"That's great, Mom. I've been praying for you." Oh, dear friends, I nearly dropped to the ground with thankfulness. He said something else to me also. "I've had some of my buddies praying for you too."

The only thing sweeter to me than the thought of a group of Soldiers/Cadets praying for me is the image of my precious OS sitting around with his buddies and caring enough to ask for his friends to do so.

About the same time that I had seen the doctor and began implementing changes, my boy was lifting his struggling mama up to the Lord. I'm sure the things I have improved in my health but I also know that God's Word is true.

Matthew 18:19-21 (New International Version)

 ¹⁹"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. ²⁰For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

The colonoscopy is over, things went well. I need to go walk a couple of miles in my bedroom but it feels good to be back and sharing. More later on Nate's television "appearance" and other life events. 

In the meantime...

So many blog posts I have started and been unable to finish. I love to write and this is a wonderful vehicle of self-expression; however, I have begun to receive really gross comments on my posts.  There's nothing that creates writer's block more than pornographic comments on a seemingly innocent message. I have since made changes on my blog to prevent this from happening...I hope. I can't even imagine typing some of the words I have seen on my comments, we live in a really sick world. What is up with some people!

And I recently had dental surgery which, when combined with lingering health issues, makes writing even more challenging. An extraction of a molar and then a dental implant on a pre-molar the same day on the same side of my mouth do not top my favorite things to do list. I have felt like a pork roast and that is something I never thought I would say. How does one feel like a pork roast? You know how the butcher ties pieces of meat together with string? Well, that is how my mouth has felt and yes, that is icky. The surgical strings my mouth are gone since last Sunday and I was thrilled and revolted all at the same time. And because I know it feels to have people describe things you'd rather not read about, I will spare you graphic details about the clove-dipped gauze I experienced on Monday. It's fair statement to now say I have also felt like a ham. I haven't had any complications, praise the Lord but as the doctor stated, my mouth is reminding me I'm not 18 anymore and recovery takes longer.


My grandma is settling into her new home but the transition is draining for all involved. If I want to make myself burst into tears while simultaneously feeling like a pork roast or a ham, (do not try that at home!), I can focus on the sad aspects of my grandma's move. But I am consciously choosing to not dwell on the things that cannot change and be attentive to the blessings. My sister has poured herself out to my grandma and given sacrificially of her time and talents. My aunt and uncle have bravely loved Grandma even when she is angry, bitter and confused about why the change was necessary. My grandma looks beautiful and has moments of lucidity. There are good things that are coming out of this even if it isn't easy.


In my next post I will share the cool things my cadet has been doing lately. He comes home tomorrow for Spring Break and I can't wait to have our five-piece puzzle intact again!


More soon!

Lost and found

It is strange and curious thing to do a google search of your grandma's name and see a bunch of "hits" appear. Prior to Saturday, the only time I had ever googled my grandma's name was um, never. In fact, it was only because of a frightening set of circumstances that I thought about ever doing it and here's why.

Saturday evening around 7, the phone rang. When I saw the area code of the person calling, I got nervous. I don't get a lot of phone calls from this area code and this time my anxiety was justified. The phone call was from my sister informing me that my grandma who lives in Florida was missing. My sister called many states away from both of Grandma and me and she said that Grandma had been missing for several hours at that time. As I hung up the phone, I almost couldn't feel and horrible things came popping into my head. Our family gathered around to pray as I crumpled in a heap of despair.

The police had been notified and were looking for her. Grandma's friends had called my aunt after she hadn't arrived at a friend's house as planned. Unbeknownst to me at the time; my almost 90 year old grandma had recently gotten lost in the daytime. When her friends opened the key to my grandma's house, she was gone and the car keys were gone. The cell phone was left on the table and the Life Alert my aunt insisted on her using was still in the box.

I put prayer requests out on facebook and for all the pain that facebook can cause and wow, let me just say, it has caused A LOT of pain for me recently, I was comforted by the outpouring of love and prayers said all over the country for a person many fb friends do not know.

Watching tv was like looking at a blank screen so I reached for the thing of hope that is 100% reliable. My Bible.

I began doing my Teen CBS lesson and admit that I had trouble concentrating. I opened my Bible and did as the lesson prompted which meant reading a Scripture verse I desperately needed.

Philippians 4:6

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

By then my grandma had been missing for five hours. She has a bad knee and I pictured her hobbling in the dark. I thought of her being scared and because of an active imagination or too much tv, (never CSI, praise the Lord!), many other horrible pictures came to mind.

In the small space provided, here's what I wrote in my lesson

10:07 pm - Grandma missing for five hours. Father, you want me to read this - you know my heart, my sadness and fears - I am so weak - do not be anxious about anything - seriously!?

ANYTHING!? Yes!

Around 2 am the phone rang again. The Hubs quickly removed his C-Pap machine and scrambled for the phone. My grandma was found! She had driven all the way to Naples, Florida which is about 2 1/2 hours away. She had been driving for NINE hours without stopping. Confused, Grandma entered a convenient store and the only thing she recalled was that she had a business card of my uncle's. The clerk called and soon my grandma was located, stayed at a nearby hotel and life will never be the same.

Since that fateful night, I have cried so much that on Sunday the sides of my eyes were sore from the salt in my tears. My grandma left on a plane to Chicago where my aunt lives and she will never return to her home. She had wet herself and needed a shower and doesn't understand what all the fuss is about.

I fear other posts about this situation and about dementia or Alzheimer's but for now, let me focus on the comfort I had in leaning on the Lord. I am afraid and sad beyond words but the words I read on Saturday night were not an accident. Though they were hard to put in practice, they are true.

Googling your grandma is not a good thing. Seeing a Breaking News story about one of your dearest, best friends who just happens to be nearly 90 and a close relative is yucky. My grandma has been very private about her age and now everyone will know she's almost a nonagerian! The good thing though is the Good News - both the literal one that my grandma was found and the spiritual one I found and find in Jesus.

Spirit Week fun

One of my children (who shall remain nameless because I like my life,) is afraid of midgets.

If you want to creep him out, turn on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I'm not exaggerating. We are a short-statured people so I'm not sure what his problem is but I have been known to sing the Oompa Loompa Song or the Wizard of Oz Munchkin Land song around him. It is funny to see this otherwise very macho OS squirm.

So it's a good thing this un-named OS isn't home very much (ahem,) because today would have been very unpleasant for him.

I say this because it's Spirit Week for the middle schoolers and today is Character Day. My anonymous OS would be in a dither because his orange hair, freckle-face brother along with six other buddies dressed up as the Seven Dwarfs!

When Isaac told me about the idea last week, I agreed as long as Ike wasn't Dopey. Considering our most recent challenges, there was NO way my OS was going to be Dopey. Or Grumpy!

But Ike is Happy and so am I! Several moms including myself banded together and individually added pieces to the boys' costumes.

One mom and grandma made hats. They even researched pics of the Seven Dwarfs from old Disney books and pictures! Another mom made white beards and wrote the names of each individual dwarf on a colorful t-shirt. Talk about authentic! I purchased seven pair of black sweat pants on sale at Wal-Mart and some twine for a belt. The moms are as excited as the sons and our collective talents made this particular Spirit Day less stressful and totally adorable!

To Ike's chagrin I came to school twice today to take pictures. Apparently there is nothing worse for a 13 year old boy then seeing his mama two times in one school day, even when she's wearing makeup! Excitement filled the air, giggles and smiles abounded. I cracked up at the creativity in the middle schoolers. There were two guys who dressed up as Michael Jackson, before and after. There was even a Lucky Charm leprechaun. So fun!

My OS attend a private school. They wear uniforms, adhere to strict behavior policies and must study hard for the stringent academics. Spirit Week is five days when the standards are just as high but the atmosphere is more relaxed. High school Spirit Week begins next Monday and it's sure to be memorable as well. If Aaron succeeds in his plans for Spirit Week, it will be epic, mark my words!

I leave you with some pics of the recent fun and links to former Spirit Weeks we have enjoyed.

We're already brain-storming about next year!